Tuscan Bread to Yo Face

   So I was all like "Fuck yeah, Tuscan bread!" cause I'm Italian and got super excited about food as we do sometimes. I can definitely say that I dunno if it turned out right at all. It tastes okay, but it's not as open and airy as the Giant Eagle kind... but then again when I googled some images they mostly looked like mine does.  Well anywhooosss. Lets add a picture shall we (I didn't take as many this time... ya know, second time around... yadda yadda yadda)

Bread paste... I think it was thicker than it
was supposed to be. meh.

   The recipe last time called for poolish. this time around it called for bread paste. which basically is like cooking the flour with boiled water the night before. Mine was more solid than pastey, but then again paste could just mean water and flour for all I really know.
   Okay, next day(yesterday) I make the dough and do the claw hand thing again... seriously, fucking sweet! This time though I think i got the dough too wet, but the book said fuck it, you can add flour as you knead the dough. Which oohh my lawrd I obviously don't know how to do properly. I basically was just pushing and smacking the fucking dough all over the counter top. It looked stupid. Like I even stopped and said, I should probably look into these things before I do them. (Directions, Y chromosomes, they go hand in hand right?...) So after I knead the dough and leave it in a bowl to get all gassy like you uncle after thanksgiving, I divide the dough and attempt to shape them.

Proofing after I attempted to shape the dough
into batards. Key word, "attempted"

  Batards are basically like ovalish shaped bread. Mine have a pretty solid candy corn shape to them. Fuck up #3 for those of you playing along at home. They proofed on the counter for a little over an hour before it was time for some more Hearth bakeage. Steam, really hot temperature, and spray all over the walls... its like a gay bath house for bread.

Steam pan to blast yo ass with steam, duh

Sooo super hot

  Blasted the oven with the water blaster (its just a spray bottle, not that exciting!) then after 10 mins of baking I rotated them and removed the steam pan. I mean you can only be moist for so long before it gets boring... am I right ladies?? baked em for like 25ish minutes overall. Maybe a couple mins less or longer, not real positive, I was doing multiple things at the same time. BAM PICTURES!

Cooling down... looking good. Don't lick your
screen! Save that tongue for
someone special

Done. 

   Yinz (had to thrown one of those in there somewhere) notice how I take pictures of my bread in the same place when it's done?? Yeah, thats cause it looks all rustic and shit... well more rustic than the rest of my moms kitchen. This time though I threw a basil plant in there cause basil is awesome.
   Anyways, the bread. It looks real good, tastes okay. The reality is it's tuscan bread and has no salt or anything in it so it's kinda bland in the long run. Hence why we Italians eat sauce on fucking everything! Tuscan bread - done and did. What's next?? I dunno yet. I'm taking a couple days off bread making to go get wasted around the Pittsburgh area. I haven't drank since I started making bread and that my friends is the only down side to alla this. I should just get all fucked up while I bake. I mean Martha's gangster ass probably did.

 

The Adventure Begins!

   It all began last week when I was watching Giada at Home for hours. About 2 hours in, she had a guest on the show who is a bread baker in France somewhere. I would figure it out to be historically accurate in this post but the reality is that I just don't give a shit at the moment and it doesn't fully matter. If you feel sleuthy you can research it yourself. Here i'll help. She was French, Dark haired, Makes some kind of roundish bread that's been around for years, it has a "P" on it... got it? good. Go get your detective sauce on!
   Anyways, she was getting all deep about bread and talking about the dough like it's a fucking human and it hit me. I JUST WANNA BAKE BREAD ALL FUCKING DAY! At least I think I do at this moment...
   Cut to Monday: After spending the weekend with my two good friends who did nothing but encourage my ridiculous bread baking ramblings (People who spend a lot of time with me know better than to encourage my newest obsession, which changes every couple days) I found myself at Barnes and Noble. This isn't anything new... I go there almost every other day. (Mainly to get my coffee buzz on, but it also makes me feel really calm... and there are sometimes some gays there to creep on. Which is always nice.) I found a book that was too expensive (no worries I'm a member so I got a discount!) with nice pictures and just the right amount of pretension and talked myself into buying it. 
  Tuesday: Grocery Store trip! baking isle - Me and like 4 middle aged women who were looking super intense about confectioners sugar. 25 minutes and more money than I should be spending right now later I was home and there was only one thing left to do... make a mess in the kitchen!